Just the average life...?
When you think about it...
...is life really that average?
10/04/2012
Some Photography...
A while ago I went to Hengistbury Head with my grandparents to do some photography; so, here are some of my pictures! :)
02/04/2012
Lyrics...
The Misunderstood
You’re so rad, you’re so cool you really get me in the mood
You make me smile so much, and I think of you too much
You’re a guy, I’m a girl in an ordinary world
You’re a man, I’m a kid, and that’s all there ever is
You’re just so right, it’s just so wrong
We just have a friendship that’s far too strong
There’s something there, no it’s just me
Then why are you treating me like it’s a breeze?
Cause I’m a kid, it’s just not right
To be thinking about you day and night
So why waste your time, spending with me?
I’m just confused and it’s getting hard to see
So come settle me
You’re just being nice; it’s what’s expected
It’s just your nature not to leave me rejected
But you’re up front; you could just say no
Man, you got a car and I’ve got nowhere to go
But you’re smiling at me, you’re sharing your life
And I’m returning the favours and it cuts like a knife
I’m just so confused, about what I want
And whether there’s something or if I’m getting caught
You’re just so right, it’s just so wrong
We just have a friendship that’s far too strong
There’s something there, no it’s just me
Then why are you treating me like it’s a breeze?
Cause I’m a kid, it’s just not right
To be thinking about you day and night
So why waste your time, spending with me?
I’m just so confused and it’s getting hard to see
So come settle me
I’m unsure, of the score
I’ve been left in the dark, just tell me you know
Cause I want to know, yeah I want to show
What you mean to me if only I knew where we stand
Take my hand
You’re just so right, it’s just so wrong
We just have a friendship that’s far too strong
There’s something there, no it’s just me
Then why are you treating me like it’s a breeze?
Cause I’m a kid, it’s just not right
To be thinking about you day and night
So why waste your time, spending with me?
I’m just so confused and it’s getting hard to see
I’m so damn confused, yeah I’m struggling to breathe
I’m just so confused, someone rescue me
So come settle me…
01/04/2012
Crossroads - Extract
As well as this blog I've also started writing a book, containing a lot of things I put on here as well as other bits and pieces. I would like to share with you a couple of extracts of what I've written today.
“You can argue whether
our lives are already set out for us or not, but life is still what you make of
it; live each day like it’s your last, because there’s every chance that it
could be.”
“You cannot change the
inevitable. Everything happens for a reason; sometimes these are reasons we
cannot understand or explain, but they are reasons none the less.”
Some
of us (mostly religious people, however, I do not wish to target or offend you
in any way) believe in predestination. This is a belief where God has already
planned out everything we’d ever do in our lives; what we eat; whether we
smoke; if we marry; if we have children; and when we die. Some argue that this means we don’t have free
will, however, I do not wish to start a debate on what is true or not, for the
shear fact that no one knows the answer. Other, say that we have choice; we are
responsible for mapping out our own lives, and no one controls or plans what we
do expect ourselves.
So many of us fear
death; for example, if it comes to crossing a busy road, many of us will run in
order to avoid being hit. I was in Southampton with a friend yesterday, and as
we were on our way to the car park, we had to cross a number of these busy
roads. It got to the point where we were both standing in the middle, watching
the oncoming traffic. He said to run across, and did so. I remained standing,
waiting, until the first car had passed me by before I continued to walk
towards the pavement. I will admit, there wasn’t that much space between the
next car and I, but I refused to run. I walked. If was to be hit, so be it. If
that was supposed to be my death, then let it happen. I can’t decide how and
when I die, neither can I control it. Once I met my friend back on the
pavement, he asked me, “Why aren’t you in
a hurry to live?” I replied with, “Life
is too short; if you hurry to live, it will be over sooner than you think,” So
I try to live each day without fearing these things that have to potential to
kill. It will happen, and it does happen. Death is inevitable, so
don’t waste your life running from it. Obviously, I don’t want you to take this
too far and do anything on purpose to try and end your life. All I wish is for
you to not worry as much, and to enjoy your life for what it is, because no
matter how much we run across roads, and avoid anything dangerous, death will find us. It’s natural, so we
shouldn’t be afraid.
Thank you :)
22/03/2012
A few more quotes...
So, lately I've been taking advantage of the 'quote' button on my tumblr. blog, and have recently been writing a few of my own quotes. In case you haven't read them already, I thought I should share them with you on here...enjoy! :)
Have you ever wondered why you’re here? Don’t. Don’t waste your time coming up with reasons; make them. I pretty much wear black all the time, which makes people think I’m always sad. But you only need to wear one thing to show you’re happy, and that’s a smile.
To end a chapter of your life is like finishing a really good book; you’ll probably be left feeling a bit empty, and unsure of what to do next, but then you realize it’s probably time to start looking forward to the next sequel…
I may not be that old, or very wise, but I’ve seen, done and been through a lot of things that most people my age probably haven’t. My 15 years on this planet haven’t always been the best, and haven’t always been the easiest, but I wouldn’t give them up for anything. So what if I’ve done things I probably shouldn’t be proud of? I regret nothing. Because at the end of the day, everything I do is done for a reason; it may not be the best reason, but it’s mine, and I’m proud to be me. After all…I’m good at it.
19/03/2012
Life is so much shorter than you think...
Death is quite, death is painful. Death is slow, but quick, and buries a hole deep into your thoughts. It eats away at everything that’s ever made you yourself, and leaves you feeling nothing at all. Death is the silent screaming that enters your mind when it’s finds you. It taunts you, and will endlessy exhaust you until it’s time for you too, to disappear…
15/03/2012
My tumblr. account
So, I was advised to make a tumblr account, which I have, and it's another blog platform. Of course, I'll still be using this blog just as much as my new tumblr. one.
I'll do my best to make sure whatever I post up ends up on both blogs; just thought I'd let you know about it in case you find tumblr. better suited to your taste.
I'll place the url to my tumblr. blog at the bottom of this post! ><
Thank you! :)
Url: www.official-snake.tumblr.com
I'll do my best to make sure whatever I post up ends up on both blogs; just thought I'd let you know about it in case you find tumblr. better suited to your taste.
I'll place the url to my tumblr. blog at the bottom of this post! ><
Thank you! :)
Url: www.official-snake.tumblr.com
12/03/2012
A few quotes...
So, I've been tyring to explore why I've been feeling so depressed lately, and ended up putting all my thoughts and feeling into quotes; hope you like them!
I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside...
I didn't know one blade could destroy my life...
When I pull my blade out my box, and stare at it in my palm, I know what I'm doing is wrong, I know it's just going to make me feel worse afterwards, and then my friends are going to worry, and then I'll just have to start hiding all over again. But a voice inside my head tells me that will never happen, cause inside I want to die; I'm just too afraid of not living...
Sometimes I crave it so much, I plan it all in my head; in the light or dark, how many and where, what music I'll listen to, but in the end it never works; I fall apart and hate myself for even planning it, and then my body becomes a mess, just like everything in my head...
You never really know when you're happy until you end up feeling miserable again; it's just a lot more difficult to be happy than it is to feel like every day is torture...
On the outside everything looks fine, even to me, but something's there that's ruining it all and I can never seem to find it. As much as I'll refuse to believe it, one day, I'll find out that that thing is me...
Sometimes I laugh so much I cry. I use these reasons as an excuse to cover up my real reasons for tears...
At times, when I have nothing to do, I cut myself. I'm not always sad when I do it, but sometimes it just reassures me that I'm still alive...
I only write quotes to distract myself from cutting. I know I shouldn't, and I hate myself for even considering it, but in a way, these quotes are making me want to cut even more...I like it...
Sometimes, it's inflicting pain on one's self that can make you feel happy...
Music has kept me alive; it's given me a reason to live, and it's helped me get through a lot. Sometimes it makes me hurt myself, but that's only because it helps me feel emotions I thought I had lost...
Sometimes, when I listen to songs with depressing lyrics about pain and wanting to die, I think to myself, if they felt that bad, how could they have even managed to write a song about it?
In my head I know that not all song lyrics were written when the writed was actually feeling the way the song describes, and that scared me, cause I can relate to them perfectly, and they were just faking it...
In a way, I quite enjoy my depression; it makes me feel special...
Sometimes, writing quotes do make me feel better, and I don't want that; I want to hurt myself, so I continue writing until I feel ten times worse...
Sometimes, I wonder how I could ever feel sad, cause a lot of things make me feel really happy, but then I remember; happiness is only temporary; pain can last forever...
Sometimes, Microsoft Word doesn't like the way I word things; kind of like society really; they like to make you think everything you do is wrong, even if for you, it's just the way it is...
I like to think; it stops me doing things to myself that I shouldn't. The only problem is, is that I think too much, and too deep for my own good. That just makes me do things to myself that I shouldn't...
Sometimes I worry that all the therapy will eventually work, and that I'll never be depressed again. I worry about this because I'm afraid of what will be left of me afterwards...if there'll be anything left at all...
At times, I just want the voices in my head to stop arguing; to have it all over and done with, so I cut myself to make it stop...
It's always the people you're closest to who judge you the most; I hate every second of it...
I hate it when I get to the point of being so annoyed with someone that I can't even stand being in the same building as them...they're always the closest people to me too...
You always think you'll be able to talk to the people closest to you about anything, but it's not like that at all; you have to hide constantly, and always act like you're okay; it kills me every day...
Thanks for reading! :)
I'm often silent when I'm screaming inside...
I didn't know one blade could destroy my life...
When I pull my blade out my box, and stare at it in my palm, I know what I'm doing is wrong, I know it's just going to make me feel worse afterwards, and then my friends are going to worry, and then I'll just have to start hiding all over again. But a voice inside my head tells me that will never happen, cause inside I want to die; I'm just too afraid of not living...
Sometimes I crave it so much, I plan it all in my head; in the light or dark, how many and where, what music I'll listen to, but in the end it never works; I fall apart and hate myself for even planning it, and then my body becomes a mess, just like everything in my head...
You never really know when you're happy until you end up feeling miserable again; it's just a lot more difficult to be happy than it is to feel like every day is torture...
On the outside everything looks fine, even to me, but something's there that's ruining it all and I can never seem to find it. As much as I'll refuse to believe it, one day, I'll find out that that thing is me...
Sometimes I laugh so much I cry. I use these reasons as an excuse to cover up my real reasons for tears...
At times, when I have nothing to do, I cut myself. I'm not always sad when I do it, but sometimes it just reassures me that I'm still alive...
I only write quotes to distract myself from cutting. I know I shouldn't, and I hate myself for even considering it, but in a way, these quotes are making me want to cut even more...I like it...
Sometimes, it's inflicting pain on one's self that can make you feel happy...
Music has kept me alive; it's given me a reason to live, and it's helped me get through a lot. Sometimes it makes me hurt myself, but that's only because it helps me feel emotions I thought I had lost...
Sometimes, when I listen to songs with depressing lyrics about pain and wanting to die, I think to myself, if they felt that bad, how could they have even managed to write a song about it?
In my head I know that not all song lyrics were written when the writed was actually feeling the way the song describes, and that scared me, cause I can relate to them perfectly, and they were just faking it...
In a way, I quite enjoy my depression; it makes me feel special...
Sometimes, writing quotes do make me feel better, and I don't want that; I want to hurt myself, so I continue writing until I feel ten times worse...
Sometimes, I wonder how I could ever feel sad, cause a lot of things make me feel really happy, but then I remember; happiness is only temporary; pain can last forever...
Sometimes, Microsoft Word doesn't like the way I word things; kind of like society really; they like to make you think everything you do is wrong, even if for you, it's just the way it is...
I like to think; it stops me doing things to myself that I shouldn't. The only problem is, is that I think too much, and too deep for my own good. That just makes me do things to myself that I shouldn't...
Sometimes I worry that all the therapy will eventually work, and that I'll never be depressed again. I worry about this because I'm afraid of what will be left of me afterwards...if there'll be anything left at all...
At times, I just want the voices in my head to stop arguing; to have it all over and done with, so I cut myself to make it stop...
It's always the people you're closest to who judge you the most; I hate every second of it...
I hate it when I get to the point of being so annoyed with someone that I can't even stand being in the same building as them...they're always the closest people to me too...
You always think you'll be able to talk to the people closest to you about anything, but it's not like that at all; you have to hide constantly, and always act like you're okay; it kills me every day...
Thanks for reading! :)
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